The Flatmate From Hell: A Taxonomy of Terrible Tenants

by iROOMit Team
9 July 2024
5 min read

Living with someone can be a beautiful thing. Shared laughter, movie nights, and the comfort of knowing someone's always (well, hopefully) got your back. But what happens when that someone turns into a nightmare? Enter the dreaded worst flatmate ever.

This flat horror story isn't limited to just messy dishes and loud music. We're talking a whole new level of flatmate dysfunction. So, grab a metaphorical cup of tea (or something stronger), and let's delve into the murky depths of terrible tenancy.

The Hoarder

Imagine this: you come home after a long day, excited to unwind in your shared space. But instead of a welcoming living room, you're greeted by a mountain range – a mountain range made entirely of old pizza boxes, overflowing laundry hampers, and enough newspapers to wallpaper a library. This, my friends, is the domain of The Hoarder.

Key Traits:

  • Can't throw anything away, ever.
  • Believes "one man's trash is another man's treasure" – even when the "treasure" is a moldy coffee cup from 2007.
  • Paths through the flat become obstacle courses, requiring parkour skills to navigate.
  • Frequently claims mythical creatures live in the clutter ("Don't worry about the rustling, that's just Steve the friendly dust bunny").

Coping Mechanisms:

  • Invest in a mini-fridge for your room.
  • Learn the art of compartmentalization. Focus on your own space and try to ignore the Mount Everest of miscellany in the living room.
  • Communication is key: Try (calmly) having a conversation about the issue. Suggest decluttering solutions or even offer to help organize together.
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The Party Animal

They come home at 3 am with a posse in tow, the air thick with the scent of questionable substances. Music thumps through the walls, furniture becomes an impromptu dance floor, and sleep becomes a distant dream. This, folks, is The Party Animal.

Key Traits:

  • Weekends (and weekdays, sometimes) are a constant party with a revolving door of guests.
  • Believes the flat is a personal nightclub, complete with questionable soundproofing measures (read: towels stuffed under the door).
  • Dishes pile up faster than you can say "biohazard," and cleaning is a foreign concept.
  • Sleeps until the afternoon, oblivious to the sleep deprivation they've inflicted on their flatmate.

Coping Mechanisms:

  • Noise-canceling headphones are your new best friend.
  • Set clear ground rules about guests and noise levels.
  • Explore alternative sleeping arrangements if things get too out of hand (couch surfing at a friend's place, anyone?).

The Borrower

They walk in, grab your favourite yogurt without a second glance, and leave the empty container in the fridge door like a mocking trophy. They "borrow" your clothes, wear them until they resemble a crime scene, and then mysteriously "lose" them. This, my friends, is The Borrower.

Key Traits:

  • Has a selective memory, especially when it comes to returning borrowed items.
  • Believes in the magical concept of "communal ownership," which only applies to your stuff, not theirs.
  • Utters phrases like "I'll totally pay you back" with the sincerity of a politician on the campaign trail.
  • Masters the art of the feigned apology when confronted.

Coping Mechanisms:

  • Label your belongings (yes, even your food!).
  • Invest in a mini-fridge for your essentials.
  • Implement a "borrower's tax" – a small fee for using your things. Be prepared for some creative excuses.
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The Silent Flatmate

They're a ghost in the machine, a phantom flatmate. You might see them occasionally, but communication is limited to grunts and monosyllables. They never contribute to shared living (groceries, cleaning), and the flat feels more like a bus stop than a home. This, the enigma wrapped in a mystery, is The Silent Flatmate.

Key Traits:

  • Prefers the company of their phone or video games to human interaction.
  • Leaves passive-aggressive sticky notes with cryptic messages ("Out of milk. Again.").
  • Their presence (or lack thereof) creates a constant, low-level tension in the flat.

Coping Mechanisms:

  • Try to initiate conversations, but be prepared for one-word responses.
  • Set clear expectations regarding shared living responsibilities.
  • If attempts at communication fail, consider finding a more compatible flatmate.

Not to worry! Here are some reasons why iROOMit could be a superhero solution to find a flatmate or a room for rent:

  • Matching algorithm: iROOMit might use a matching algorithm to connect you with potential flatmates or rooms that are a good fit for you, based on your preferences. This could save you time and effort compared to searching through listings yourself.
  • Safety and security: iROOMit could have features in place to help keep you safe, such as background checks or verification of identification. This could give you peace of mind when meeting with potential flatmates or landlords.
  • Convenience: iROOMit could be a convenient way to find flatmates or rooms for rent. You can browse listings and connect with people all from one place.
  • Large pool of users: iROOMit could have a large pool of users, which could increase your chances of finding a good match.

Overall, iROOMit could be a superhero solution to find a flatmate or a room for rent by saving you time, effort, and helping you feel safe. Whether it's the best option depends on your priorities and what other platforms are available in your area.